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How can you tell a man is gay Is My Husband Gay. Signs of a Gay HusbandSometimes a woman may have been in a heterosexual relationship for years and yet feel something is somehow "off;" and she may find herself asking, "Is my husband gay?" Many women find this question unthinkable but according to Bonnie Kaye, , an expert in women married to gay men, it is estimated that 4 million women have been, or are, married to gay men.