Male to male relationships
How Gay Male Relationships are Different
How are gay male relationships different than heterosexual relationships or lesbian relationships?
Fundamentally, the difference is that in gay male association both partners are executed by the hormone testosterone.
Ken Wilber, the famous philosopher, calls testosterone the “fuck and kill hormone”.
That doesn’t exactly conjure up sentimental nights in front of the fireplace where we let down our guard and express our innermost secrets.
All this testosterone can sometimes be at odds with creating emotional love . Often men have to learn how to link because estrogen, the connection hormone, is not flowing through our blood in large quantities.
That’s what couples counselors do—we teach connection.
What Gets Us Into Trouble
Men do have a reputation for sometimes being “douchey” when seeking sex. (For those who don’t comprehend, “douchey” is the adjective form of the noun “douche bag.”)
Sometimes, in the hunt for sex, testosterone takes over and the other part of entity male—the more tender part—gets submerged for a while. And in the enormous
What Gay Men Should Anticipate in a Relationship
Some queer men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go house with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here&#;s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t perceive they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll request me why they notice so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn&#;t cool or manly to object to their partner&#;s sexual behavior.
In other words, they perceive shame for experiencing offend by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the characteristic social response when friends are told about destitute relationship behavior among unbent people. When gay men tell
Contents
The following research knowledge is summarised from the published serve ofDr. David P. McWhirter, MD and Dr. Andrew M. Mattison, MSW, PhD(professional & personal partners, sadly now both deceased).
Growth in Male lover Male Couple Relationships
Over a 5-year period ( to ), David P. McWhirter, MD and Andrew M. Mattison MSW, PhD interviewed in-depth gay male couples (in the California, San Diego County area) about their significant / intimate couple relationship.
The couples interviewed were not in therapy had been living together as male to male partners anywhere from 1 to more than 37 years, and were not in therapy. The mean time in each relationship was years, with the median being slightly over 5 years.
This study documents how intimate relationships between two men expand and become sustained.
From the interview numbers, McWhirter and Mattison identified: Six Developmental Stages Of Relationship between gay male couples(the first four stages occurring within the first 10 years of the couple&#;s relationship).
These developmental stages of
AsI think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes get asked what the differences are that I see (in general) in lgbtq+ male relationships that are (again, in general), different from vertical relationships.
I offer these thoughts to both single and coupled gay men, based on my perspective of what I’ve seen through the years. My experiences and observations as a queer men’s specialist psychotherapist might differ from other gay men, and even other gay male therapists, and we always have to be mindful of not indulging in unfair assumptions, stereotypes, or even prejudices. But since making a relationship work (which I define, in part, as the relationship’s level of satisfaction for each partner and in its overall longevity and subjective “quality” for each partner) is at least in part based on a skills-building process, skills that I believe are required for a gay male relationship to both endure (quantity) and thrive (quality). These are the issues that come up repeatedly in couples counseling sessions:
1. Money– Gay m